My youngest turned 10 months old on Saturday, and only a few days before that he started walking on his own. He's not a professional walker yet by any means, but he's getting there. He's been "getting there" for over two months now. He started off by finding his balance and free standing. Then he began lunging himself in the direction he wanted to go...which usually resulted in a face plant on the floor. Once he found out that wasn't going to work, he started reaching with his toes while grabbing on to a nearby table or toy. He's fallen more times than I can count, but it doesn't stop him from trying again.
I watch his determination, and I wonder where he gets it from. I mean, I'm a pretty determined person. I like starting and completing projects, and I like to think I work effectively and efficiently. But, lately...SIGH...I just don't have the gusto I want to have. I've been feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. It feels like every time I'm on the verge of a major break through I get set back. Like my little guy taking two steps and then falling forward over and over again.
I've been tempted to quit, give up, and pass on some of my responsibilities to try and lighten my load. Sometimes I get so tired of trying to make things work that I start to feel like a camel traveling through the desert carrying more than double my own weight. Just the visual makes me feel exhausted. Seriously. But, if my son can be an amazing example of endurance for me, than I want to be an even better example of perseverance for him. I want to feel whole--completely whole in mind, body, soul, and spirit. I want to be strong and confident in all that I do because feeling discouraged is way more draining than having faith. Having faith is hard, but having faith opens the door to the abundance of joy and peace that surpasses all understanding.
One of the scriptures that helps me stay level headed is Hebrews 10:35-38. It says, "Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:
'For yet a little while, and He who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.'"
This verse is a challenge for me because it not only lets me know what I gain if I have endurance, but it lets me know what I'll loose if I don't. If I keep pressing on, God will meet me where I'm at and He will strengthen my faith. On the other hand, if I give up, I am displeasing to God. And, to top it all off, I'm not only displeasing to God, but I'm setting a poor example for my children. I'm teaching them that it's ok to tell yourself the lies of defeat. I'm teaching them that it's ok to live in discouragement. I'm teaching them that if at first you don't succeed don't bother trying again because you'll never accomplish whatever it is you set out to do. The truth is, I would never ever say those things to my children. But, why do I live it in front of them?
The book of Hebrews talks a lot about faith and perseverance. Chapter 11, the famous faith chapter, lists off multiple examples of people throughout history who chose to have faith instead of defeat. It can be really encouraging for me to read about these people because I can have a completed prospective. I'm able to see the "before," the "during," and the "after" of the tests of faith. But, in my own life, I can only see the past and present. And, sometimes, I feel so defeated I can only focus on the present. When I start looking at my current situation, instead of at God, my walk becomes fragile and I become discouraged.
I can't help but stop and think about Peter walking on water. He was only able to accomplish this miraculous anomaly when he kept his eyes straight ahead; on Jesus. I see this example in my baby too. He does so much better when he's looking forward and thinking about where he's going rather than where he is.
Sometimes it's hard to get back up again, but I know that things could be much harder if I decided to stay knocked down. If Peter decided to stay in his discouragement, he may have drowned. Discouragement steals from me. It steals my future away. Living in discouragement makes it impossible to live in the promises of God. I have to chose faith. I have to keep my eyes set on God. I have to keep moving forward. I have to keep pressing on.
Now I have a little bit more determination. I have a reason to keep going, and it's not just for me. It's for my kids. I may not be getting where I want to go quite as fast as I would like, but I'm taking baby steps. I'm still moving in the right direction--I'm moving forward. I'm choosing to keep my eyes set on God. And, when I start to feel my feet giving out underneath me, I won't be discouraged. After all, any step in the right direction, no matter how small, is still a step in the right direction.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be apparent to all. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:4-9
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