I'm a proud mama. I'm very proud of my kids. They amaze me all the time with what they're able to do. Some times I'm literally blown away! For instance, my two-year old (who will be three in a few weeks) knows how to spell his name. He can also count to 10 in Spanish (neither myself nor my husband can speak Spanish). I mean, what? He's only two! I'm literally blown away. And, then my 15 month old has been using this app on my phone that involves color matching, shape sorting, and size sorting. He can do it completely on his own. Again, what? I'm speechless.
When these moments happen it takes everything within me to not immediately share them with the entire world. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. When I choose not to my hesitancy comes from a nasty thief I know as "comparison." I'm worried people will think I'm bragging or start comparing my children to their children. Like what if their kids are smarter? Or, what if they can't quite do those things yet? I don't want to make anyone feel bad or feel shamed by comparison. Ugh. If there's one thing I could say I really don't like in this world, it's comparison. I loathe comparison. It can make me feel bloated with pride, or it can make me feel disgraced during a learning process. Either way, it takes joy away from me when I invite it into my mind.
Why can't I just be encouraged when my family is doing well, and not feel discouraged when other families are doing better? Seriously, though. As, a teacher, I love it when I see my students achieve a goal. So what if it takes them longer? So what if they learned it in less than ten minutes? Why does that matter? What matters to me is progress. It doesn't matter how slow or how quickly progress happens. All of us learn differently, and all of us will accomplish goals during different seasons of our lives.
2 Corinthians 10:12b-13a says, "...But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us..."
Moms (and Dads), let's admit it. We compare our kids all the time. If someone says, "my son learned to walk at 10 months." The first response isn't usually "Wow, that's awesome!" No. The first response is usually, "Oh, my son walked at 9 months." Or, "My daughter didn't learn to walk until after her first birthday." There's an immediate comparison that takes place, and half of the time I don't think we even realize what we're doing! I would even go as far to say that It's a natural human response, meaning there's nothing Godly about it--comparison, that is.
"Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours." (Galatians 6:4,5)
It's ok to feel proud of success in my life. But, it's not ok to be boastful and full of pride. It's also ok to have struggles in my life. But, it's not ok to be envious, jealous, and bitter towards others. I have to be accepting of my learning process (notice I won't call them "failures") and be encouraged to keep trying. I truly want to be inspired by other people's achievements. Not discouraged. I want to be genuinely happy for others when they reach "the mark" before I do. And, I would hope that others would feel the same way about me and my family.
So, what can I do to help kick comparison out of my life? I can share my successes with others without intimidation or fear. I can listen to others when they share their successes with me, and in those moments, I can rejoice with them in their accomplishments. I can be aware of my short-comings and not hindered by them. I can avoid highlighting other people's shortcomings, especially when it can lead to condemnation. When other people are struggling I can offer my advice and opinions ONLY when asked or consulted. And, I can be receiving of other people's advice when I've asked for help. But, I can also recognize that there isn't a "one size fits all" form of success. Success is joy in These are the things that will help me eliminate comparison and hold on to joy in every area of my life.
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