I've been a little more emotional lately than usual...Let me clarify. I've been told that I'm genuinely a "sappy" person. I get really emotional when I think about people that I care about. And, I usually cry. My tears aren't sad tears though, they're happy, grateful, and blessed tears.
Last night I felt my eyes well up as I watched my father-in-law playing with my boys. They were chasing each other and laughing with smiles stretched from ear to ear. My father-in-law swooped down and caught my two-year old up in his arms. I could see that my son felt safe. He was happy. He felt loved.
When I watch my children be poured into--being taught, being given time, or being played with--I too feel safe, happy, and loved. It's almost as if I'm experiencing the moment first hand rather than as an observer. I feel really blessed when I get to witness these kinds of interactions (especially the ones between my children and their grandparents), and I get to see a glimpse of God's love for me--His child.
There's been quite a few moments in the past week when I've felt God swoop down to hold me. I can't really explain the feeling. I just know that He's there. It feels like this sudden rush of peace that overwhelms me. I know saying "overwhelming peace" can come across as an oxymoron, but it really is overwhelming. It's overwhelming in the sense that it's stronger than anything else that could overwhelm me--stress, anxiety, or loneliness. And, any time I'm tempted to feel those things, God reminds me of His faithfulness.
Yesterday morning I woke up 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house. My husband was already at work, and I chose not to set an alarm the night before. The kids almost always wake me up before I actually need to be awake, so naturally I thought they would wake me up early that morning too. But, they didn't! And, 10 minutes is not enough time to get three people ready. Trust me. I quickly got myself and the kids dressed and in the car with no time to spare.
You know that feeling when you're rushed, or late, or somehow manage to get every single red light on the way to where you're going? That's when the anti-peace temptations come, and that's when I have to really keep my eyes on God's love for me. He doesn't stop loving me when I'm late. He doesn't stop loving me when I'm obnoxiously early either. His love is constant and never failing. It's completely unconditional. And, His love brings me peace.
God blessed me with a new kind of insight on peace. It's this ability to live in the present unrest knowing that peace is waiting on the other side. So, instead of waiting to feel peaceful, I try to choose peace right away. Feeling anxiously rushed in the morning doesn't help me get to where I need to be any faster, and when I get there everything will still work out. I mean, sure, I might have to play catch-up for a few minutes, but all-in-all, it all gets taken care of. That's why I choose to feel God's love and not anxiousness.
There's this amazing promise that comes with trusting in God. It's the promise that comes with being swooped up in the Father's arms and cherishing life with pure joy. This promise can be found in Psalms 91. It says, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust...He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge...You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday" (Psalm 91:1-2, 4a, 5-6).
No matter what time of day or night it is, God's loving arms are my fortress. They're my protection. They're my refuge. I don't have to worry. I don't have to stress. I don't have to feel alone, or abandoned, or insecure. Those are the "terrors" by night, the "arrows" by day, and the "destruction" that waits in the afternoon. I don't want to trade God's loving embrace for stress! I won't! It's much better to be a child in His presence--trusting in Him and loving on Him. I want to be free to live joyfully in His presence always smiling as He carries me in His arms.
"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings." Psalm 36:7
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