Today my baby turns one-year old. The weeks leading up to his birth were tough, that is, emotionally speaking. I had been in the hospital twice already with false labor, and I was admitted once just to be sent home in the middle of the night. I was four centimeters dilated and having contractions every 5 minutes. Then suddenly everything just came to a screeching halt.
The next morning I woke up early despite the long night in the hospital. My husband was still asleep, so I went downstairs to the kitchen and turned the radio on. I was tired and disappointed. I felt like our baby boy was never going to come. Then this song came on. It's a song by Aaron Cole called "Right On Time." The opening chorus says, "Don't worry Just lay it down, it's not your fight. Don't worry. It'll be alright. Don't worry. He will make your heavy light. Don't worry at all, worry at all. His love is always right on time." With tears streaming down my face I was reminded of God's promises. "Love is always right on time."
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
Sometimes I feel anxious when I want something to happen. This anxiety comes from thinking that I know exactly how things should work out or when they should happen. Anxiety forces out faith. Do I really want to trade my faith for fear? 1 John 4 says that perfect love casts out all fear. And, 1 Corinthians 13 says love believes all things and hopes all things.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
Hebrews 11:1
One of my most favorite miracles in the bible is the one of the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5. In the moments leading up to her miracle she groped after Jesus. She didn't care about what was physically happening to her in the midst of the crowd. She didn't let embarrassment keep her from reaching after Jesus. She knew that if she could get close enough to just touch the hem of His garment that she would be healed. She had faith. She put aside any of her fears--fears of opinion, fears of shame, fears of status-quo, and she reached. She reached out for Jesus. That perfect love cast out her fear. Then Christ turns and asks "Who touched me?" He already knew, but yet again he was challenging any last bit of fear that may have remained within her. She now needed the courage to no longer be anonymous, but to be known publicly. The next words that left Christ's lips are some of the most freeing words.
“Daughter,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you;
go in peace and be free of your affliction.”
Mark 5:34
Faith is my healing. It heals my brokenness. It heals my fear. It heals my want for anything other than God. When I have faith I find comfort and complete satisfaction in the perfection of God's timing. I no longer wonder about what is to come, but I live by making the best of each moment I have alive--each precious and intimate moment with God. He's always speaking to me. I just need to grope after Him and not worry about the other things that are trying to crowed out my thoughts and steal my thanksgiving.
Everything is made beautiful in it's time. And I'll tell you, when my baby finally did come, it was completely worth the wait. God's love came right on time. God was just waiting for me to grow a little more so I could handle having faith for four people (myself, my husband, my first born, and my baby) before I could step into being a mother of two.
Every trial and every hard time leading up to the fulfillment of God's promises is expanding me to handle what's to come next. He knows exactly what I need to learn before I can handle the growth. He knows exactly what I need to grow in before I can handle the expansion of blessing. The more I have, the more is required of me. If my faith didn't grow than my capacity for love's blessings would be inadequate.
Last week my now one-year old threw my cell phone in the bathtub and turned the water on. I was changing out the laundry, so by the time I could get to the tub it was already too late. There was my phone floating at the bottom completely submerged in water. Since my phone was not the newest model (there have actually been at least five or six newer models come out since I bought my phone), I didn't have the coverage I needed to replace a water damaged phone.
The next day my husband and I went to the phone store and we decided to upgrade both of our phones to the newest model. It wasn't something I wanted to do. I felt reluctant, and I really didn't want to spend the money on a new phone, especially because they only had the largest amount of memory available for purchase. Which is even more expensive! But! God taught me so much through this experience. You see, I'm getting an upgrade. My faith is getting an upgrade--again! The cost is sometimes high, but it's necessary for the expansion. God is changing my capacity. He's making me able to handle everything that I was trying to juggle before with complete ease. And, I'm even going have room for more than I thought I would ever want or need to do. The best part about it is this faith upgrade is going to have zero adjustment. Normally I have a really hard time adapting to changes with upgraded technology, but this time I didn't. I knew it was a representation of what God is doing in my own life. I'm going to be able to move faster, have energy longer, and stay connected better. All I have to do is have faith and reach only for God. The rest is simple because He will supply all of my needs.
"...my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19
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