Every once in a while my kids will complain about the food I prepare for meals. I don’t usually take it to heart. Most of the time I’ll just encourage them to try a bite before deciding whether or not they like or dislike what’s on their plates. And, most of the time they end up loving their meals.
But, today…today was different. Today was hard. All three of my children have been feeling under the weather, and all three of my children have been on the cranky side. And, everyone (and I mean all of us) has been a lot more sensitive than usual.
During the week I’ve been working at home with my 2 and 4-year olds on different pre-school activities. Today we were talking about light and color. We were doing an experiment with mirrors, water, and flashlights and creating rainbow reflections on the walls. It was very fitting too, because our Bible History lesson was about the rainbow God had placed in the sky after the great flood in the book of Genesis. My 1-year old was extra clingy and very vocal during the activity. It was making it very difficult for me to focus on my other two children. When it was time to move on, my oldest ran off. I asked him to come back (and, yes, this on-edge mama used his middle name). He came back screaming that he never wanted to do school with me ever again…
I’ve never been hurt like that before. Not by my son. Not by any of my children. It took me so off guard; I didn’t even have enough in me to argue back. I just said, “okay.” I put the book I had in my hands down on the table, went down stairs to fold laundry (I mean, hide from my kids), and I cried, and cried, and cried.
Later in the day, my son apologized to me. Well, in his own 4-year old way by telling me he wanted me to teach him again. But, by dinnertime both of my boys were at it again. I had made a special enchilada dinner for my husband’s birthday and even made a delicious apple crisp for dessert. It didn’t matter, though. Instead of having a nice family dinner, I sat through almost an hour of my kids crying about what was on their plates. “I don’t like this.” “I’ll never eat ever again.”
“Well, maybe I won’t cook for you ever again.” I finally blurted out. I was feeling very cut to the core. And, I was angry that my children were acting like (notice that I said “acting like” not “are”) spoiled-rotten brats. Over dirty dishes in the kitchen, I rambled on about it to my husband. When I was done, I asked him: “Do you think this is how God feels about His children?” I mean, do I make God feel that way? He does so much to provide for his children. He makes good meals, and speaks good words. He’s constantly working on my behalf. He’s constantly creating a way for me to overcome my battles. But, what if I walk through the trial complaining? What if God gives me a gift and I say, “That’s not good enough”? What if He pours out abundant blessings and I don’t even give Him thanks? Does His heart hurt just as badly when I reject the good things He has done for me as mine does when my children reject the good things I’ve done for them?
It was almost as if the prophet Isaiah reached through and said to me, “But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.” (Isaiah 59:2 NIV) Yes, that feels relatable…but, when I hid my face from my children it was to mourn. And, then I realized…I wasn’t crying for me. I was crying for them.
“Surely He has borne our grief and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.”
(Isaiah 53:4-5 ESV)
The pain that He carries when I reject Him isn’t His own…It’s mine. It’s my pain. He’s relentlessly rejected and mistreated. He’s constantly under appreciated and overlooked. But, my Jesus, when You turn Your face away, You take my pain before the Father, and You are quick to cloth me in mercy and grace.
“Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard in throwing roadblocks in the way…”
(Lamentations 3:31-33 MSG)
I think this is what Jesus meant by “turn the other cheek.” (Luke 6:29) It’s almost as if He meant to tell us to take all of the hurt that was just cast upon us by another person and bring it before the Father. I think He meant that He didn’t take joy in returning pain for pain. I think He meant to show all of us the importance of forgiveness—the strength of forgiveness—the power of forgiveness.
If I stopped teaching my children…if I stopped preparing meals for them then what good would it really do? It wouldn’t. I would be hindering them. I would be causing them pain. I would be removing grace.
And, that’s why God never stops preparing good things for His children, even when I really don’t deserve it. Because, He desires for all of us to live by the example He has set. He desires for us to carry the strength that grace and forgiveness requires. And, for as long as we keep returning to Him, He will keep on pouring out for us.
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”(Matthew 7:9-11 NIV)
“Therefore tell the people: This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty.” (Zechariah 1:3 NIV)
All of that to say, my kids ate dessert, and when I wake up in the morning I’ll make them breakfast. Then, we’ll have school, and I’ll teach them. And, they’ll know. They’ll know their mother loves them, and that I’m never ever going to give up on them. Because, my God, He never ever gives up on me.
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