“Letdown.” To some, this word encompasses a negativity associated with discouragement, disappointment, and defeat. But, not for me. Why? Because I’m a nursing mother. Letdown means that I’m expressing milk and caring for my child.
For me, having letdown is like having an out of body experience...or, more specifically, like my body has a mind of its own. It’s not like walking or talking or any other actions I have control over. No, it’s triggered (sometimes unintentionally) by thinking about the baby, smelling the baby, seeing the baby, or most often by hearing the baby cry. But, the baby doesn’t always have to cry. Sometimes she just has to whimper or groan to trigger my body into letdown.
For instance, other day my husband and I were taking our kids for a walk at the park. I was carrying the baby in a sling on my chest, and while we were walking she made the smallest peep. Before I knew it my body was responding with a resounding, “It’s time to feed the baby!” (Thank God for nursing pads because I wasn’t really ready to feed the baby!) In that moment there was something so beautifully miraculous about my leaking breasts. They were an overflowing vat of nutrition and comfort, ready in an instant at my child’s beck and call.
My newborn nurses “on demand” which means we don’t have a set schedule. I just feed her when she wants to be fed. Day or night. When she calls, I answer. The same is true with God. He’ll nurture and comfort me at any time of the day—morning, noon, or night. And, it feels deeper than a mindless or automated instinctive response. It feels more like a soul tie.
It makes me think of King David’s poetic words from Psalms 42, “Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over me.” (Psalms 42:7 NIV) When I call out to God that something else takes over, and the communion that I’m having with Him is far deeper than I can humanly express. It’s in those moments when He relentlessly pours out over me, like a waterfall that has no end, that I drink my fill until my soul is satisfied.
Now, I’m finding myself in this place of realizing how ready God is to pour out over me when I call out for Him.
“Call to me and I will answer you...”
(Jeremiah 33:3 NIV)
Really, Lord?
Yes.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8 NIV)
But, sometimes it can be hard to ask for help. Sometimes it can be hard to admit my needs. Sometimes I have a really hard time formulating my words or communicating exactly how I feel. But, I think so many times I’m just over complicating things. Because, all I really have to do is cry out. Groan. Whimper. Sigh. And, God knows exactly what I need.
“...your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” (Matthew 6:8 NIV)
How is that even possible? But, He knows my heart so well. He knows my innermost being. It’s that deep calling to deep—spirit to spirit—that’s beyond my own understanding.
So, here’s the really cool part: my body creates and produces a milk that’s made exactly for my newborn. I mean, wow! My body is intricately designing a formula that is specific to her needs. The milk I’m making now is different than the milk I made for my other children! It’s specific. It’s intentional. It’s satisfying.
And, that’s how it is with God too. He’s formulating something good that’s just for me. He’s ministering to me in a way that specifically meets my needs. He’s communing with me in ways that only He can. It’s specific. It’s intentional. It’s satisfying.
“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19 NKJV)
“Then Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to Me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in Me will never be thirsty...All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.’” (John 6:35, 37 NIV)
As I look at my sleeping newborn I see that she is content. She is full. She is satisfied. I wonder silently to myself if all it really takes to find rest for my soul is to call out to God and receive what He has to give. And, as she smiles at me, I know that it’s true.
“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.”
(Psalm 107:9 ESV)
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