We try to have devotions as a family at the breakfast table most mornings. One particular morning my oldest son was very eager to leave the table. He was upset when I asked him to stay and do devotions with the rest of us.
“Why do we always have to do devotions?” he grumbled.
I answered his question with another question. “Why do you think God made us?”
“Because He was lonely,” my son said.
I had to stop and think before I could respond to my 5-year old.
Lonely? God? I mean, I guess that makes sense. Why else would a Supreme Being make people…Maybe to be entertained? No. If life truly is all about the relationship I have with God, then…loneliness just makes sense. But, I’ve never really thought about God being lonely before. I guess I never thought of loneliness as being a godly trait or attribute. Is it, though? Is loneliness next to godliness?
I gathered my thoughts and asked my son another question, “How can we help someone who’s lonely?”
“By spending time with them,” he replied.
“That’s exactly why we have devotions. Because God wants to spend time with us, and this is one of the ways we can spend time with Him.”
My children sat at the table while my husband read a passage about respect and honesty, but I was still stuck on loneliness. I couldn’t move on just yet. I didn’t want to. I knew there was something deeper for me to uncover—something more to learn and understand.
I have been going through one of the loneliest seasons of my life. Postpartum depression and anxiety have really stripped a lot away from my ability to connect with others in wholesome community. I’ve been in this place of simultaneously desiring to be around other people and not wanting to be around anyone at all.
It’s been difficult to talk about all of the intricate complexities that overwhelm my mind on a regular basis. Sometimes I really just don’t want to talk about it, sometimes I don’t know how to talk about it…or who to talk about it with. I’ve been craving conversation more deeply than I ever have before. But, it also feels like a lot of hard work to hold a conversation right now. So, instead of pursuing connections with others I’d rather just be alone. But, having no one to talk to (whether or not by choice) is very, very lonely. It all feels so meaningless.
Even King Solomon said that loneliness was meaningless.
“Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.“For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless—a miserable business! Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 NIV)
But, what if loneliness can become meaningful?
I began to think about God walking and talking with Adam in the Garden of Eden. When He said it wasn’t good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18) was that because He already knew what loneliness felt like? Did He really just want someone to talk to, someone to commune with?
And, that’s when I realized that loneliness existed before sin. It’s not a sin to feel lonely. It feels complicated to think about. I mean, being alone isn’t good, and God recognized that. But, loneliness and feeling lonely isn’t wrong.
In fact, loneliness comes before creation.
While thinking all of this through, I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking to me, reminding me that I’m being made into a new creation. My old self is gone, and He’s making me new again.
“Wherefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the old things are passed away; behold, they are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17 ASV)
Thank you, Lord for this promise. I often feel lonely because I miss myself. I miss who I used to be. I miss being confident and strong. I miss being reliable and energetic. I miss being…me. But, You’ve showed me that You’re making me new in my loneliness.
My loneliness wasn’t given to me to cause me to be alone. It was given to me as an opportunity for newness.
I started to recall all of the times God separated His people before doing something new. Noah, Abraham, Moses, Esther, and these are only to name a few! God took these people away from everything that was familiar to them. He brought them through events that would cause anyone to feel the weight of loneliness. But, when Godly people face loneliness, they rise through it, pursue God in it, and something new comes from it.
This is because God promised me He would never leave me nor forsake me. (Joshua 1:5) So, even when I feel alone, I’m never really alone. That loneliness I feel should be reclassified as a hunger for something new—a readiness for transformation! It’s an opportunity for new and revived relationships. It’s an open door for new beginnings. And, I have a feeling that I’m just getting started.
Comentários