Our latest family project has been putting together a vegetable garden in our backyard. When we were first dreaming of the idea I had so much excitement for what was to come. I was inspired and looking forward to creating this part of our homestead together with my husband and children.
As the months passed it seemed as though nothing was happening. Every time we’d attempt to work on the garden there would be some other task in the way. The first thing we did was dig out part of a separate garden bed that surrounded the house. It was something we had been meaning to do for a while, and we thought we could repurpose the dirt to fill the vegetable beds. We started the laborious project of digging and hauling wheelbarrow loads of dirt without knowing what we were getting ourselves into. We didn’t have any of the materials we needed or wanted to build the beds, so there wasn’t really anywhere to put the dirt yet. We ended up making a pile of dirt where we wanted the garden to be.
Over the course of the next couple of weeks we made several trips to different hardware stores and garden centers. On the first couple of trips we didn’t purchase what we needed. We priced everything out instead. My husband and I would be trying to talk through our plans and look at materials, but our novice planning sessions weren’t a walk in the park. We always had the kids with us, and we’d be trying to talk and budget while keeping up with all four of them. One minute they’d be a part of what we were doing and deciding, and the next minute they’d all be running in different directions. I found myself pulling the baby off of the staff ladder, telling the boys not to jump off of the displays, wiping my daughters tears, and cleaning scrapped knees all while trying to communicate with my husband. It was an ebb and flow of fun and frustration. Anytime we left a store empty handed I’d feel so discouraged. I just wanted to see something, anything getting done.
Because building the garden beds wasn’t something I felt comfortable doing on my own with the kids, while my husband was at work I decided to start digging out another area of the yard to spread mulch and plant some roses. That was something I could do. There I went again, digging and hauling more dirt to make an even bigger pile where I wanted the vegetable garden to be.
The forecast called for rain, so I laid a tarp over our heaping dirt pile before packing up for the day. Well, it certainly rained. It rained for a a few days in a row. Our pile of dirt turned into a pile of mud.
The rainfall had exposed all of the uneven areas of our yard. Puddles of water surrounded our mud hill. We needed to do something to level the ground before planting our garden. We ended up using the dirt we dug up for the beds to level off the ground. Our entire family was covered in mud. Our yard was covered in mud. It looked awful. It looked hopeless.
Everything seemed impossible. Prices were too high. The yard was too muddy. The time was too consuming. The work was exhausting. The vision was blurry. The purpose was lost.
The next time we went out I got desperate. I told my husband that I didn’t want to leave the store without something to build our beds. The original materials we wanted were double the price that they were the previous year when a friend of ours drew up some plans for us. We ended up buying metal rings instead. They weren’t what we wanted, but I just needed to feel some kind of progress because everything was growing stagnant and hopeless.
The next day my husband had off from work we decided to take the kids to a children’s museum. We had been investing so much time into trying to make something happen in the yard, and we just really needed the break. On the way home we passed a different garden center. I asked if we could stop and get some pea gravel. When we were there we noticed that the original materials we wanted were half the price they were anywhere else. On a whim, we rented a truck and drove a pallet of cinderblocks back to our house.
The next day we wheelbarrowed the cinderblocks into the backyard. The ground was still so soft from the week’s rainfall. Everywhere I walked mud caked to the bottom of my boots. We were finally making a pile of blocks, but the ground looked like it was getting ruined. While we worked on constructing the beds I could feel so much discouragement hovering over me. I was tired. Everything looked destroyed. I said to my husband, “why are we doing this? Seriously, what’s the point?” I didn’t want to do it anymore. It was weighing on my heart too much. I hated the work I wanted to love.
We bought plants the next time we went out, but we still didn’t have enough dirt. The process was taking forever. To top it all off, on every day that my husband had off that week it rained.
Discouragement after discouragement ate at me. But, there finally came a day—a day that was filled with helpful children and a renewed excitement. It was a day when we finally made our last trip to the garden center. It was a day when we were able to finish our garden beds, and a day we were able to plant all of our vegetables.
The discouragement melted away. The pain of the past was beginning to heal. I was witnessing a dream coming true.
Galatians 6:9 flooded through my mind: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NIV)
There have been so many times in the last several months where I’ve wanted to give up on what God has called me to do. I’ve been discouraged by the change of plans and the reworking of the vision. I’ve felt depressed. I’ve felt hopeless. I’ve asked God why He’s calling me to use the gifts and talents He’s given me for a purpose other than what I had intended them for. He’s repurposed parts of me and rearranged others. I’ve walked through the mud, and I’ve felt like I’ve ruined it all. Things have seemed impossible. Things have taken an eternity. There have been detours and there have been roadblocks. It’s been more than exhausting. I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve needed to give up.
But, there’s something God has been teaching me too. There’s a reason for everything. Every hard thing and every difficult day is unfolding into the fulfillment of His promises. Those days aren’t wasted. They’re part of the journey. And, even when the end result isn’t exactly what I wanted it to be, it’s still so beautiful. Because, “Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.” (Psalm 126:5 NLT)
God never promised me that the road to the promises was going to be easy. He never said I wouldn’t feel discouraged or hopelessness. He never said that my own interpretation of how I thought my life would go would be exactly how it would go.
This is why I love the verse in 1 Corinthians 13 that says, “…Now I know in part; then I shall know fully…” (1 Corinthians 13:12 ESV). It reminds me that I don’t have all of the answers. I can’t see all of the bumps in the road on my life’s journey. I can’t perfectly calculate the decisions I need to make without having any difficulties. That’s something that will come when God reveals Himself in all of His glory when I leave this world. For now, the thing I have been instructed to do is not give up.
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast and immovable. Always excel in the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58 ESV)
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