I turned 29 last week. The day itself was actually really nice. My kids were well behaved, and we were able to do quite a few fun and adventurous things while their daddy was at work. But, something caught my attention a little bit differently during breakfast. Any time “it’s Mama’s birthday today” came up, my oldest son would ask about his own birthday. I mean, he’s only 4-years old and 6 of his family members have birthdays within a month of each other. So, naturally thinking about birthdays makes him think of his own.
I was trying to share with the kids what I was hoping we could do together during the day to celebrate, but I kept getting interrupted with an “I-want” list from my 4-year old. My side of the conversation went from, “Those are great ideas, honey! I’ll do my best to remember them for your special day,” to “Babe, your birthday isn’t for a five more months, okay? So, let’s just wait on that.”
It honestly didn’t bother me at first, but then I started thinking about how often adults do this to each other. I mean, something good or exciting happens to a family member or a friend, and sometimes the first thing I think about is…“I wonder when that will happen for me?” or “When will it be my turn?” Instead of congratulating my loved ones, I sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own selfishness that I end up feeling jealous rather than happy. Now, that’s a little backwards, isn’t it?
See, in God’s word we’re told to“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15 NIV) But, for some reason, I find myself doing neither. When someone succeeds, jealousy comes instead of celebration. When someone gets hurt, judgment comes instead of heartbreak.
I think, in these moments, I forget the connection that God gives His people as the body of Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:12)
“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”
(1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV)
It’s as though I’ve chosen to disconnect myself from fellow believers when I decide not to rejoice in their rejoicing or mourn in their suffering. But, as a child of God, I’m called to be empathetic—to have the ability to understand and share in the feelings of others. And, let me tell you, a lack of empathy leads to selfishness, jealousy, and envy and that road is perhaps the loneliest and most painful one I could ever take.
Okay, okay. So, empathy, let’s go back to that. It can actually be pretty easy to fake empathy. (Hey, anyone without sin cast the first stone, alright?) It’s super easy to say things like “Wow, that amazing! I’m so happy for you!” (oh, wait…was that a lie?) Or, “I’m so sorry that’s happening to you right now. It breaks my heart to see you go through this.” (another lie?) But, it’s much, much harder to be sincerely empathetic—for my thoughts and my heart to align with my words.
Sincerity comes, however, when I recognize the truth behind 1 Corinthians 12:26. It’s the fact that when something good happens to someone else, something good is also happening to me. When something hard happens to someone else, something hard is also happening to me. There’s no disconnect in the body of Christ.
I mean, just thinking on more of a personal level, say I hurt my foot. My mouth screams, my eyes water, and my whole body shifts to accommodate my hurting foot. My alignment changes to allow more weight to fall on the side of my body that’s not hurt—the side that’s doing well. And, as a person who needs corrective lenses for my eyes, trust me, when my eyes are doing well so is everything else. I can operate more effectively, and I can communicate more clearly. My whole body is happy.
This doesn’t mean I can’t look forward to the good things in my own life. And, it certainly doesn’t mean I can’t mourn any of my own losses either. Being connected to what other people are going through doesn’t mean that I have to be disconnected from me.
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (
Philippians 2:4 ESV)
It just means I have enough spiritual maturity to recognize what God is doing in others’ lives in the present, in the moment, and in the now. It means I don’t have a problem being a shoulder to cry on. I don’t have a problem bearing a heavy load with a friend. Because, sharing a heavy load makes it easier to bear. It also means I don’t have a problem cheering others on. I don’t have any issues playing second fiddle in someone’s celebration song. Because, together we can make some pretty beautiful music.
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