Every once in a while the kids like to act out scenes from their favorite shows or put on a new show with original made-up characters. I asked them to put a show on for me while I was folding laundry, and they chose to make one up about dinosaurs. Well, one of the scenes got pretty intense and my two oldest children were full on fighting and wrestling. I couldn’t tell if they were actually upset or if it was just some really, really good acting. So, I tried to use a parenting redirecting technique and pretended to get out a remote to “skip the scary scenes.”
My 3-year old stoped and looked at me so seriously. He said, “but, mom, if you skip this part you won’t ever be able to see it ever again!” He seemed upset that I wanted to move on from the intense part of the show so quickly. My 5-year old assured me that this scene was almost over and that the next part wouldn’t be so scary.
Sure enough, the scary scene ended and the carnivores and herbivores reached some sort of mutual agreement and became friends. But, as I watched the rest of the story unfold I kept thinking about how I tried to skip that one scary scene and the way my boys’ responded.
It’s no secret that I’ve been living out some difficulties while navigating being a new mother to four children, and while overcoming a battle with postpartum anxiety and depression. There have been so many times I’ve wanted to skip over these difficulties. I’ve longed for my struggle to disappear—for my mind to be whole—to be present and fully capable. But, my son was right. If I skip over these moments, they won’t ever come around again.
There’s something about these difficult moments that make my life so beautiful. Even when it’s hard to see God’s beauty, He is using every circumstance and scary situation to build something absolutely glorious.
Even with this new knowledge, there are still days I want to skip over my anxiety attacks. But, if skipping over my anxiety meant that I would never learn how to go to the store with all four children by myself, then it wouldn’t be worth it. If skipping over my anxiety meant I couldn’t figure out how to nurse the baby and spend quality time with my older kids simultaneously, then it wouldn’t be worth it.
Can I build muscles without tearing them? Can I create a diamond without pressure? Can I shape metal without putting it in the furnace?
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 NLT)
Something else my oldest son said during that one scary scene caught my attention. He told me that if I skip over the scary parts then the show will just be over. Wow. How true! So, suffering is just that—a part of life. Avoiding the scary or hard parts of life would make life a lot shorter and less meaningful. In fact, these hard and difficult moments have such a great purpose. They draw me closer to God. And, if I erase those hard moments (those gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, heavy moments) from my life, I also erase the intimate moments (those desperate life-altering, mind-transforming, heart-changing moments) that came from them. And, I truly don’t want that. I don’t want to get rid of the beauty for the sake of skipping over pain. I don’t want to delete the joy by avoiding the sorrow. I don’t want to.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” (James 1:2-4 NLT)
So, no thank you. I’m not taking the easy way out. I’ll keep this hard and I’ll learn from it. And, when the next hard comes, I’ll welcome it with open arms. Because I know that after every storm there’s a rainbow and a promise for new life.
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