I rocked my 18-month old to sleep tonight. Well, what I should really be saying is, I fought my 18-month old to sleep tonight. I held him while he screamed, and flailed, and kicked, and pushed me. But, I just held him. I held him until his scream turned into a cry. I held him until his cry turned into a whimper. I held him until he closed his eyes. And, with a faint whisper of "mommy," he fell asleep.
Now, let me tell you a secret. That moment--the moment when my child falls asleep in my arms, mouth agape and fingers twitching--that's the moment I love the most. It's the time I get to spend cuddling my baby. It's the time I get to spend reminiscing about who they are and dreaming of who they will become. It's the moment I get to pray over them and their futures. It's the moment I get to stare at their beautiful faces and thank God for the incredible blessings that He's given me.
But, getting to that moment can be tough. It can be really, really tough. Sometimes I want to rip my hair out and throw my hands up in the air! This is especially true when I know they need to rest. The signs are obvious. The temper tantrums and the equilibrium imbalance that leads to boo-boo after boo-boo are only some of the red-flag warnings.
When my three-year old was a little bit younger than his brother is now, he would fight sleep so badly. To the point that he would have to get hurt and feel extremely sad or frustrated in order to allow my husband to hold him and sway him to sleep. I remember watching the sequence of events happen the one night, and after our baby fell asleep my husband turned to me and said, "I hate that he has to get hurt and feel sad in order to rest."
Coming from a family of people who push though until complete and utter exhaustion, I could see a little bit of myself in both of my sons. They were just fighting and fighting the rest that they so desperately needed...Then, I realized, that that's exactly what I do. I fight and fight off rest until I'm an imbalanced sourpuss constantly hurting myself and those around me.
Sometimes I think I can hear the Spirit of God say, "Cheyenne, would you just be still and know!?" Which is pretty reflective of how I feel when my kiddos need to rest. So, why is it that I feel the desperate need to avoid rest? Honestly, I've been conditioned into feeling that rest is for the weak. I've been conditioned into feeling guilty for needing rest. I've been conditioned into feeling like nothing will ever get accomplished if I stop and rest.
But, rest. Rest is one of the most productive things a person can do. I'm not talking about the over abundance of rest. No, that's being lazy. And, slothfulness is what most people would consider a "deadly sin." I'm talking about legitimate and much needed rest. It's the kind of rest that rejuvenates and refreshes. It's the much needed rest that revives the soul and makes well the mind. True rest allows creativity to flourish instead of being choked out. True rest allows love to blossom and annoyance to disappear. True rest silences angst, anger, and resentments. True rest heals the mind, soul, body, and spirit.
So, now as a mom, I get a little chuckle when I read the first part of Psalms 23. You know, the part that says, "He makes me lie down..." Because now I can't read it without having a visual of God forcing a bunch of stubborn people to rest. I mean, I used to just picture myself walking down this beautiful nature path with God and feeling so very peaceful. But now, this passage paints a laugh-out-loud comical scene in my mind. I can just see it now, God holding on to me as I kick and scream. He takes me over to the stream (which is my modern day sound machine), and starts to 'hush' in my ear. I start to calm down as he says, (insert a somewhat soothing and somewhat frustrated mom-voice) "it's bed time, Cheyenne. Close your eyes." But, what happens when I finally give in is the most beautiful picture in my mind...
"He restores my soul." (Psalm 23:3a)
Now I'm over here wondering if God enjoys looking down on me as I rest...truly rest. Does He look down with thankfulness at who I am and who I'm going to be? Does He create my future while I rest? Does He gather my dreams and ambitions and plant them in my heart while I sleep?
Without this time of rest, I am abusing my calling. I am laboring in vain. I am exhausting my present and extinguishing my future.
Psalm 127:2-3 lays it out pretty straight. It says,"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain; unless the LORD protects the city, its watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early, and stay up late, toiling for bread to eat--for He gives sleep to His beloved." Which means that I could work and work and work and work and work and work as much as I want to and never actually accomplish all that I need to. But, with God I can work and rest well and accomplish more than I've ever hoped to. Because, God gives His beloved sleep.
It took me a while to learn this, but I've recently learned that it's better to rest than to push myself to the point of complete and utter exhaustion. Exhaustion steals passion away from the passionate. So, why then, would I ever want to let myself become exhausted. I need to stop and rest before I want to quit altogether. I need to take a break and rest before I break a part everything I've been working hard to build.
Rest is not weakness. Rest is not giving up. Rest builds up the strength thats needed to continue on.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
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