I was feeling really content with my role as a mother today. My heart and my mind were able to be fully present, and I was able to embrace the pace of the day with joy. While cleaning up after dinner, I caught myself thinking about all of the things I let go of so I could be a mother. I didn’t feel contentious or bitter. I only thought, “I hope my kids appreciate how much I’ve sacrificed for them when they’re older.” But, before my thought was even completed, the Holy Spirit corrected me. It’s not a sacrifice; it’s a gift.
Just that simple word change shifted my perspective. When I thought about the sacrifices I had made I was focused on what I had given up or what I had lost. But, when I thought about the gifts I had given—my time, my attention, my creativity, my love—then I could only think about all of the wonderful things I’ve gained.
I read a definition revised from the Webster’s Dictionary for the term “sacrifice” that stated that the act of sacrifice was to devote with loss or suffering. This reinforced my thoughts on the term being one that focused on what was lost rather than what was given or gained. Contrary to the selfless nature of sacrifice, the more I study the term the more I think the term itself is quite selfish. Not only does it emphasize the loss, but also the person who suffered the loss…
My heart spun outside of my chest when I read in my studies a verse that I’ve had memorized since I was a child. It was John 3:16, a verse I’ve read and heard a million times over. But, now with new eyes it feels so much more alive.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
(John 3:16 NIV)
It’s not a sacrifice. It’s a gift.
God gave His son. His son was a gift, and whoever believes in Him will not perish. That means there’s absolutely nothing to be lost and only everything to be gained.
My soul swelled with joy when I looked over at my oldest son reading a book to his siblings. The life that I had left behind for them meant nothing to me anymore. I had gained new life in motherhood—a life I never knew I wanted until it was everything I ever wanted and more.
Is that how salvation works? Didn’t Christ come to earth to offer me the gift of salvation? My life in Christ was everything I never knew I was missing until it was everything I ever needed—the greatest gift I could receive.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves;
it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”
(Ephesians 2:8,9 NKJV)
Salvation isn’t about the pride of anything I’ve given up to achieve it. It’s not even about everything I’ve done to be worthy of it. It’s about the humility of acceptance, the grace of the gift, and the mercy of forgiveness.
Twice Jesus quotes Hosea to the Pharisees and says, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” (Matthew 9:13, 12:7) I find this so intriguing as several other verses in the New Testament still speak on sacrifice. Romans 12:1 for example says to “present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” I can’t help but wonder if this terminology was chosen by the Apostle Paul for those who had not yet understood the beauty of the gift of salvation much like how Christ urged the religious people to learn what “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” actually meant. Perhaps I am to present myself as a gift, holy and acceptable to God. After all, I’m not losing my life. I’m gaining my life.
“If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me,
you will find it.” (Matthew 10:39 NLT)
I started to weep in realizing how many times I’ve felt like I’ve lost myself in motherhood. I’ve felt like my entire identity was striped away from me. I was grasping at straws trying to remember what made me ‘me.’ When all along I wasn’t losing who I was, I was finally becoming who I was made to be. Motherhood didn’t steal away my time, creativity, exuberance for life, or sense of adventure. It caused me to live more freely in all of those things.
So, as I watch my sleeping babies I can’t help but thank God for my salvation. Because when I look at who I am now I know for certain that I wasn’t who I wanted to be before my children. They helped make the best parts of who I really am—the woman God intended for me to be—humbled by the weight of His mercy and forever grateful for His gift of salvation.
“But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” (1 Timothy 2:15 NIV)
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