I’m realizing how often I put my kids on hold. I’ll be working on a household task or I’ll be in the middle of a project and they’ll ask me to play. “I’m almost done,” is my usual response. But, then the moment is gone. And, the kicker is, I‘ll end up stopping whatever it was I was working on anyways to settle an argument or break up a fight.
“The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” At least, that’s what I’ve heard. And, in a family of five, that’s what I’ve witnessed too. Whining. Crying. Screaming. Yeah, that’s what gets the immediate attention. Heck, acting up in general will get me or my husband to stop whatever we’re doing to address the situation quickly.
But, now I’m looking at the way I handle these emergencies, and I’m wondering why a fight will get me to stop doing the dishes but a “Mom, will you read this book to me?” won’t. Why is it that the wheel needs to be squeaky to get the oil? Why can’t all of the wheels just be taken care of and maintained so that they never have to squeak in the first place?
Now, I’m not trying to start a snowball of self-guilt or make myself feel like a horrible mother or anything like that. No, I’m simply just recognizing that it’s easier to recognize the problems than it is to recognize the blessings. And, I’m realizing how this is true throughout other areas in my life. Why is it easier to give more time and attention to the people that hurt me than the people who help me? Why do I spend time longing for the ‘bad’ things to be good than I do just appreciating what good things I do have?
In his letter to Philippi, Paul the Apostle reminds us to think about the good things. He tells us not to dwell on the things that make us worry of fear. He tell us that if we simple give attention to the things that are good, than everything else will come into place.
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”
(Philippians 4:8-9 MSG)
So, does that mean that if I simply take the time to recognize the good behaviors that there will be less bad behaviors? I believe it does. I’d rather give positive attention and guidance to my children than corrective anyways. And, I think that the more I recognize, appreciate, compliment, and think about the good things the more likely it is for good things to come into being.
Bad begets bad, and good begets good.
“A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit.” (Matthew 7:17 NLT)
So, pouring attention into good things will cause good things too flourish. Hmmmm.
I believe that this need for recognition runs through my own veins too. I’d like to be acknowledged for the good things that I do. But, sometimes those good things go unnoticed because someone else is acting up.
And, let’s just be real. Sinful people give attention to sinful things.
For example, bad news gets more media hype than good news. Right? It’s almost like our human nature is drawn to glorify negativity. It’s a part of our sinful nature to linger on and give attention to things that steal from praise and worship.
That’s why we’re told to think on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy.” (Philippians 4:8 NIV)
I once told my mother that I really wanted to spend more time praising my children for the good things that they do. When I tried it, I came to the realization that there are so many more good things happening than bad things. But, taking the time to acknowledge all of the good things is super time consuming. It was almost as if my entire day was consumed with complimenting my children on their good works and efforts.
And, that really spoke to me. It showed me that if I’m aware of God’s goodness all around me, and I spend my time praising Him for it, then I don’t even have time to acknowledge the negativity that the world thrusts my way.
Because, when I dwell on or give excessive amounts of attention to sin I’m actually worshiping it. I’m being used as an instrument that glorifies evil...even if that’s not my intention.
“Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness.” (Romans 6:13 NIV)
This doesn’t mean that I should turn a blind eye to sin. It just simply means I shouldn’t dwell on it, meditate on it, or go around spreading the “bad news” of mine or someone else’s sin.
So, what do I do when my kids (or someone else) acts up? Acknowledge. Correct. Be quick to forgive. Love.
“Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.” (Galatians 6:1-3 MSG)
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
(James 5:16 NLT)
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:13-14 NLT)
Then, move on. With grace and mercy, restore goodness by recognizing that it’s there. His goodness is all around. His goodness far outweighs the rest. His goodness is what I want to spend my days praising.
“I will meditate on your majestic, glorious splendor and your wonderful miracles. Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim your greatness. Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy about your righteousness. The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. The Lord is good to everyone. He showers compassion on all his creation.”
(Psalms 145:5-9 NLT)
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