My boys were playing with cars on the coffee table in the living room. My 3-year old had his cars parked really nicely in a straight line while my 19-month old raced his police car back and forth. After a few minutes of them playing so nicely side-by-side, my little guy then decided it would be a good idea to knock all of his brothers cars off of the table. To my oldest, this was an unforgivable action. He retaliated by hitting his little brother. Now, I know that he had cause and took action, but that action was what got him, the second offender into trouble faster than his brother, the first offender.
While my 3-year old sat in time out I explained to him that some people like to tear things down and some people like to build things up. My oldest is definitely a builder--like his mommy. I see myself in him often. We like to organize, we like to assemble, and we like to have a plan. I could tell he was taking in everything I was saying and really thinking it over. It was ironic, though, because I felt like I was counseling myself too. Especially when I told him that when other people knock down something we've been working on we have to look at it as a chance to rebuild rather than lash out.
Why is this challenging me so much? I mean, it's part of my human nature to want to retaliate when someone else hurts me or hurts something I've been working really hard on. From someone saying they don't like me to someone literally destroying something I love dearly, choosing a response is a challenge.
So, self-reflection time: Do I immediately become defensive? Do I react without thinking? Do I use self-control?
Romans 12:14 says, "Bless those who hurt you. Bless them, and do not call down curses on them." And, I'll tell you what. It's really hard to bless someone who hurts me...especially when it happens more than once. But, what is God really asking for me to do? Is He really requiring me to "turn the other cheek" (Matthew 5:38) over and over again? Do I need to submit to being torn down over and over again?
Ugh. Why does this have to be so hard? I don't want my kids retaliating in anger and I don't want them submitting to abuse either. So, where do I draw the line?
While growing up, there's something I can remember my father teaching me. He would say, "Whatever angers you owns you." Now, this is how I look at these situations: 1) I can allow myself to become angry and, in doing so, allow myself to become subject to the person who hurt me. I can think about it day and night. I can "I'll-tell-you-what-I-would-have-said to my friends and family. I can complain about it. I can scream and yell and lash out. But, this option only makes me a slave to anger. Or, 2) I can, in a sense, "turn my other cheek." Not to be hurt again and again, but rather to turn my attention away from the person that hurt me and on to what really matters.
"Because the Lord God helps me, I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint; and I know I will not be put to shame." (Isaiah 50:7)
This is where my focus needs to be. On God. I shouldn't be worried about the person who did me wrong because "The Lord is my strong defender..." (Exodus 15:2a) When I focus on God, He helps me to rebuild the things that have been torn down wrongfully. And, sometimes, He allows me to start something completely new instead. Shame is something that I put on myself. Other people may try and give me shame, but it's a choice that I make when I decide to listen to the words of those who want to hurt me rather than the promises of God. He gives us the promise, "I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord..." (Jeremiah 30:17) So, when I feel wounded, I need to just trust that God is taking care of me, and I need to know that He's also working on the person who hurt me. He's the parent, and we're all His children. Just like my olde
st needs to trust me, his mother. He needs to trust that I'm correcting his little brother and teaching him to do the right things too.
This is how I feel about God saying, "vengeance is Mine." (Deuteronomy 32:35). It's like a father or a mother stepping in-between two arguing siblings. It's the parent saying, "Hey! Let me take care of this, please!" And, I know I've felt that way. Plenty. Of. Times. I just want my kids to trust that I know how to handle the situation. What stinks about it is, when they don't trust me, they end up being more hurt and more angry than they would have been if they let me intervene first rather than taking matters into their own hands. But, that's exactly how God feels too. He wants us to let Him take care of it. That's what Paul meant when he said, "Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God." (Romans 12:19a) Paul recognized that we are all children of God and we need to let Him, the parent, do the disciplining.
So, the next time someone hurts me, I'm going to exercise the advice I gave to my 3-year old. I'm going to let God be the parent. I'm going to trust that He has my best interest in mind with how He handles the situation. And, I'm going to move forward in love knowing that God loves both me and the person that hurt me. Because, the people that hurt me are my brothers and sisters. We are all children of God, and He knows what's best.
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