Well, it’s official. As of 10:32 this morning, my fourth baby has successfully stayed in my womb for a longer gestational period than all of my other children. All of the signs of labor that have surfaced over the last few weeks have been nothing but a not-so-gentle reminder that she’s coming soon.
I’ve had four spouts of prodromal labor—labor that starts and stops. The longest period of contractions that I’ve had lasted for almost 15 hours and showed promising signs of progression, but came to a sudden screech in the middle of the night. 4 hours here, 6 hours there, but nothing sticks. It feels like trying to start a car with a weak battery. I’m in the driver seat, I’m ready to drive, but the ignition just won’t turn over.
It’s ironic that the more I’m reminded of my little promise through all of the things my body does to get ready for her arrival actually make me feel less prepared. The longer it takes, the harder it gets to trust that my body actually knows what it’s doing. Sometimes it makes me go into a sense of denial; like, I’m never going to go into labor and somehow stay pregnant forever.
Isn’t that a hard truth, though? When God gives me a promise, the closer and closer I get to it’s fulfillment the harder and harder it gets to trust in God’s faithfulness. I start to feel weighed down by the wait. Now, everything that reminds me of the promise just feels like a tease. It feels like harsh reminder that it’s not going to happen, rather than an encouragement to stay steadfast.
But, God’s word reminds us to hold on to His promises even when it’s difficult. Hebrews 10:36 (NLT) says, “Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.” What I love about this verse is that it not only tells me what I need (patient endurance) it also tells me what to do while I wait: God’s will.
But, what is God’s will for me? I feel like all of this pulls back to what Christ said were the two greatest commandments: to love the Lord with all of my heart, mind and strength, and to love others. (Matthew 22:37-40) So, wouldn’t that mean that in my waiting, I’m supposed to love on Him, seek after Him, and do good? I can think of a couple of other scriptures that help to confirm that this is His will for me while I wait for the fulfillment of His promises.
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9 NKJV)
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” (Lamentations 3:25 NKJV)
Obviously I’m not going to be pregnant forever. Chances are by this time next week I’ll be holding my little one in my arms. But, being spiritually expectant can be a little less predictable than a physical pregnancy. There isn’t a set time frame on how long I’ll have to wait for the fulfillment of God’s promises to me. And, trust me, waiting can sometimes feel very…heavy.
Just like pregnancy, being spiritually expectant comes with its hardships. And, as things get closer and closer to the end, the body gets tired, feels stretched to the max, and is very weighed down. Things definitely reach a whole new level of hard. But, let me tell you a secret. In my waiting I’ve learned that patience is perfectly paired with hope. Holding on to the hope of His promise keeps my heart and my head in check, but hope deferred makes my heart sick (Proverbs 13:12).
“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.” (Hebrews 10:23 NLT)
So, what if the weight of the wait isn’t supposed to feel like deferred hope? What if it’s supposed to feel like the weight of expectancy—like a tree that sits heavy with ripened fruit (fruit of the spirit?) ready for a harvest?
“Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” (James 5:7, 8 NKJV)
I may not know exactly when this baby will be born. I may not know exactly when God will fulfill His promises to me, but I do know that this time of weighted waiting isn’t supposed to be torturous. In fact, the prolonged period of weighted waiting is for my benefit. Like 2 Peter 3:9a (NLT) says, “The Lord isn’t really being slow about His promise, as some people think. No, He is being patient for your sake...”So, the waiting is supposed to be seized as an opportunity—an opportunity to grow and learn—an opportunity to be brought into His complete and perfect fulfillment.
“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:4 NKJV)
Patient patience looks like worship and feels heavy with expectancy. It begins as a seed of faith—a seed that gets planted with hope, watered with grace and mercy, sunned by the light of God’s word, and blooms only in His most perfect timing. And, trust me, He makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
But, I have to remember that God’s timing isn’t always my timing. If it were up to me, I would have had this baby already. But, honestly, everything that I’ve done to try and speed things up and kick them into gear has failed. That’s because it’s not supposed to happen in my timing. It’s supposed to happen in His timing. But, I can’t let the weighted waiting steal my strength, especially when God promises to renew it.
“…but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31 ESV)
Over the past week I have felt more tired than ever. I’ve even had moments of hoping labor doesn’t come because of how drained I’ve felt. But, this is another one of God’s promises that I must hold tight to, that He will renew my strength. He will make me able when the time comes. Just in the nick of time, God will give me the boost of energy I need to reap the harvest He has been preparing for me. In the meantime, I must remember this: that the God who began a good work within me, will continue His work until the right moment when it is finally finished (Philippians 1:6).
Comments