Now that we have three children I'm finding myself swimming in stuff. There's stuff everywhere. I feel like I'm packing for vacation just to take the kids on a short errand, and then we always seem to come back with more and more stuff. I'm a pack mule...well, at least it feels that way. As if pushing the double stroller and carrying a newborn on my chest wasn't hard enough I have to remember the diaper bag full of changes of clothes, burp cloths, a wet-and-dry bag, diapers, wipes, a nursing cover, and a few other things. Oh, and there's the snack bag and water bottles for the older kiddos, my own water bottle, wallet, phone, and keys. It takes at least two or three trips back and forth from the house to load the van up with everything. Then, if my kids want entertainment en route, in addition to the books that live in the van, they usually add a few toy cars and trucks into the mix of things to remember.
The other day we were getting ready to leave and my hands were so full. It was starting to feel like one of those cartoon moments. You know, when a small butterfly would land on a mound of stuff and it would all come crashing down? Yeah, I thought for sure if one flew by and landed on me I was going to yell "Tiiiiiimmmmmbber!" and fall over.
"Mom, can you hold this?" My 22-month old asks me as he holds up a truck. His eyes are darting past everything thing else that I'm holding, and connecting with mine. "Come on, really?" is what I'm thinking. But, as I look down at him, his eyes are so sincere and innocent. I don't see someone who's trying to be annoying and inconsiderate. No, I see quite the opposite. I see someone who is full of trust. A little boy that doesn't wonder if his mommy can handle one more thing, but a little boy who believes that his mommy is strong enough to do what he's asking. There wasn't one ounce of doubt in his mind. Just trust.
In that moment, he placed the truck on my ever-so-aching arms, and I felt like he believed in me more than I believed in myself. He was right. I was able. Even though I felt like I couldn't take on anymore. I could. I carried the toy truck too.
In so many other ways I felt like God was doing the same thing to me. I have never felt so full before in my entire life than I have since we found out we were pregnant with our third baby. Between my worship ministries, my job as a teacher, my family responsibilities, my hobby and small free-lance jobs a painter, a wedding business I'm establishing with friends, two-bands that I write music for, and everything else that I want to do and dream about doing, I didn't have much free time. But, now. Now I have three children and sometimes I feel like my new mommy position is the butterfly that swoops in and challenges the integrity of my life. And, it certainly is. I'm feeling very, very stretched. But, even though on some days I really feel like I'm not going to make it through, I always, always do.
Although all of my blessings sometimes make me feel like God has given me a little more than I think I can handle, He always helps me through it. He looks me straight in the eye, and as He gently places one more thing on top of my plate He tells me He believes in me. And, again and again, He blesses me with more responsibility.
Through it all I have to remember that God has made me able. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthains that, "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) So, even though things feel hard, God has equipped me and made me able.
I have to remember that when I'm out with my caravan of gear, and three children in tow, and people are always making it a point to tell me that, "Wow, you've got your hands full." Hey, I know it can be difficult. I know it's a lot of hard work, too. But, what they might not know when they offer their backwards compliments is that I have a God that is always there to help me.
His word reminds me, "Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you..." (Psalms 55:22) So, even though He keeps giving me more, He also keeps asking for it back. "God gives. God takes..." (Job 1:21) And, when He takes away everything that feels like a heavy burden, He tells me to take on His weight. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29, 30)
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